Stormy Seas

Its been a long journey since my last blog post and as usual in life alot has happened. My twins are turning 15 at the end of this month, it therefore marks a milestone of 15 years of motherhood. There has been alot of ups and downs through the years but the last two in particular have been by far the most challenging.
I knew twin girls going through puberty was going to be rough. But unfortunately along with its natural symptoms I also have had to help them both through depression and anxiety. During that two years I was also adjusting to single motherhood whilst dealing with whatever else life had to throw at me along with raising their younger sister. Phew!!! I have to confess that life has been really tough. I felt like I was the ship and the girls, my precious cargo. Navigating through the icebergs of depression and anxiety. Those icebergs always there just under the surface and you never knew when you were going to hit one. Some days the dawn would rise and they were right there towering out from the surface and you knew that the day ahead was going to be a hard and tiring one navigating safely around them.
On the worst days visibilty was so low that I could only make out their daunting shadows through the fog of the struggle with maintaining my own mental health. That along with single mother hood, the icebergs and the natural storms of life threatened to crack my hull and sink the four of us. On days like these, the deep calm of the water called to me always trying to draw me down and envelop me into its peaceful, waiting arms and in turn detatch me from my precious cargo only to leave them bobbing adrift on the surface. But I could not and would not leave them alone and drifting on the currents of life towards some unknown and possibly hostile shore.
So here we are, two years later and we have finally sailed into less dangerous waters. I don’t feel the pull of the deep nearly as strongly. The days can still be stormy and I hear my hull creak and groan under the strain. I am still having to do whatever it takes to peacefully get us through the day. But more and more we spend our days in the warm sun sailing on calm water. The icebergs are still there we can see them and feel their presence constantly even still but we are managing to navigate them alot more smoothly.
Mel x
Copyright Melissa Fraser 2017
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